I Think I'm Finally Living

The past few days have been some of the roughest days I've encountered in my entire life. And for the firs time, I didn't want to give up on life, even though I hit rock bottom. Instead, I fought, and I fought hard, not to fail. I decided to pick myself up and keep going, because there is so much to live for. Am I exactly happy? Mmm, I'm happier, how 'bout that.

I ended up doing something though that I totally feel that I regret. I couldn't keep going the way I was, but I shouldn't have asked to take a break from a friendship. I'm so confused now. Probably just as much as they were when all of this started almost a year ago. Wow, it's been that long. With all of this pent up emotion inside of me, I think I handled things the wrong way. Now I'm scared that I've lost a friend, that they don't give a shit about me anymore, had it, or just don't care what I did. Well, I guess that's something I'll never know. I did learn a lesson though... but it looks as though I'll be paying for it. Geez, do I look crazy now for real!

Other than that, I'm really proud of myself that I'm surviving. I didn't think I could make it this far so soon. I'll be okay though. It also looks like I'm still learning everyday. Other than that, work is good, and my roommate is back, and so is her boyfriend. That officially makes me the only single person in my apartment, and it really doesn't bother me. Well, my doctor's appointment is in a few weeks. If I told you that I wasn't scared, I'd be lying. It would be my luck that I'd end up with a serious medical condition. Til next time...

Night Out

So this weekend I had gone out, really gone out, since I moved to Baton Rouge. I finally took a friend from work up on the offer, since she'd been trying to get me out for a while now. I had a pretty good time, but at the same time, I realized why I like places like Brady's, The Crescent, and The Brown Door a lot more, actully... they're pretty laid back. When I was there long enough, I realized that I had grown up, have A LOT of respect for myself, and I'm so over the whole crowded bar scene with guys trying to achieve their goal of taking a girl home. To make a long story short, a guy tried to talk himself into my pants (wasn't going to happen) only to get snubbed bigtime by me, another guy looked me up and down, then grabbed my ass while he walked out the door to use his phone, then more guys trying to follow the two of us out. It was annoying and I'm so totally over it all. Three years ago, I used to get all psyched over all of that. Now, since I've gained weight, I didn't expect it, and I didn't like it at all. It was gross and I'm so much better than that. The good thing was that I ended up meeting a really cool guy who was with my friend and I, and we even made friends :). We both weren't exactly feeling the kind of place it was, so we did our own thing. We had drinks, talked about college, graduating, job market in Louisiana, life, the future, relationships, you name it. I even helped him try and go talk to a girl he was eying, but that didn't work. She was already taken. Anyway, we enjoyed eachother's company a lot, and he even added me on myspace. Haha, funny cause he told me that he wanted to look for me on there, even though I really don't like myspace at all... I'm all about facebook. Well, at least something good came out of that night. Next time, the three of us will get together and hang out. Should be fun. Well, I better get to bed. I'm very tired.