A Year

Today marks exactly one year since I graduated from college. Can you believe that? I can't! It seems like it was just yesterday, that I was marching across that stage and receiving my diploma. Any regrets? Of course. I wish I didn't just take the easy way out and worked a lot harder than I did. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.

As I stated before, I've been thinking long and hard about going into nursing school. Well, trying to get in. I brought it up to my parents today, and they were very supportive. My dad wants me to talk to someone and look into it before rushing anything. He's right, but at the same time, it sucks that my credits can expire after 7 years... so I really can't wait too long. There are a couple of classes that I would have to take, like Anatomy and Physiology. Everything else I have, just wish I had done a lot better in them in the past. I think I'm just going to retake a few just to my GPA in the needed classes can be a lot higher. I feel like I'm a lot more disciplined than I was before. Like I've grown up A LOT since moving on my own. Well, I gotta start somewhere, and this is something I want to do, and know that I'm capable of. I'm feeling very proud of myself :)

Other than that, things are great. I came home for the weekend and got to spend some time with the 'rents. Wish I had brought some nice clothes with me though. I almost packed some up with makeup, just incase I wanted to go somewhere. Sure enough, I was invited out, but had nothing nice to wear :( Oh well. Now I know how to pack when I come back to Hammond! And for the longest time, I had been doing that. Guess I was just in a hurry to pack and leave my apartment. Well, I better go. Time for more television! Ha ha! Later.

WHY!!!!!

... am I so effing dramatic! I had a very close friend tell me that I have a lot of drama in my life... and I really do. Seriously, I never thought I was this dramatic, but I am. I read into things way too hard and assume too much. Hey, I'm not being overly dramatic about my roommate situation though. Anyway, I just got back from the gym and I feel awesome! I'm praying that I have a better day at work today, too. I REALLY want some magic "whoo" juice! Later!

Because MTV's The Real World Can Equal Real Life

Tonight I got home and settled in after work. I entertained my best friends guest a little, and kicked back and kept to myself. I wanted to give them privacy. I flipped the channels and landed on MTV's The Real World. I hadn't really watched it that much this season, as I had others, so I decided to catch up before the new episode aired at 9pm. On the episode I was watching, one of the guys in the house (don't know his name) had been seeing this girl. He told her that he didn't want to be more than just friends, yet cuddling, making out, etc was okay. That bothered me. Yes, something on the RW bothered me. Then it went right to where I knew it would. The guy slept with the girl. I just began to feel myself growing with anger. Something that hasn't really happened to me in a very long time.

I hate the fact that many guys, and yes, I use "guys" very loosely, find it very easy to sleep with girls and not expect to hurt their feelings when they want to remain "just friends." I can't understand, for the life of me, why so many guys don't even think of the consequences. How can they realize how much a girl can hurt? At times I wish they could just feel the same pain that females feel and experience. It sucks! Why can't they step back and put themselves in a girl's shoes for once. That's why so many girls are fucked up now and don't even want to keep on trying. That's why I'm so fucked up now. I sat here with a close guy friend of mine last night, talking about why males can expect to just be friends with someone and shitting away a girl's heart. When he sat down and responded, he felt guilty and said that it's very wrong, but that guys really don't think about the girl's feelings and how much they can be hurting women.

After watching my roommate and her guest, I realized that I'm numb. I had a feeling that I was, because I've been trying to force myself to date around and sign up on Match.com, but I'm just not feeling it. What's worse, is that when my guy friends would touch me, hug me, try to hook up, I pull away. Even when our guest from another country told me that I was very beautiful and that the picture I had taken at a studio with my sisters a few months back, should be blown up and hanging on a wall, I blew it off. I can't believe I did that... but I can believe that I don't think I ever want to give my heart away ever again. I'm really numb and can't seem to fix it. Oh well.

One

Today I went out to lunch and then downtown Baton Rouge by the Riverfront. I looked around and realized I was the only single person not with someone holding hands, kissing, and cuddling on the pier. It sucked. I teared up. I've been having so much fun within the past few weeks, that I forgot how lonely I really was. Some people in the world aren't meant to be with anyone. I'm begining to believe I'm one of them. Oh well. Back to what I was doing before. I'm going next week to talk to someone about going to nursing school. My secret is out folks. I've really wanted to do something in the medical field/athletic training since I was in high school, but never thought I was smart enough. Got news for you... I am. We'll see what happens.