Because MTV's The Real World Can Equal Real Life

Tonight I got home and settled in after work. I entertained my best friends guest a little, and kicked back and kept to myself. I wanted to give them privacy. I flipped the channels and landed on MTV's The Real World. I hadn't really watched it that much this season, as I had others, so I decided to catch up before the new episode aired at 9pm. On the episode I was watching, one of the guys in the house (don't know his name) had been seeing this girl. He told her that he didn't want to be more than just friends, yet cuddling, making out, etc was okay. That bothered me. Yes, something on the RW bothered me. Then it went right to where I knew it would. The guy slept with the girl. I just began to feel myself growing with anger. Something that hasn't really happened to me in a very long time.

I hate the fact that many guys, and yes, I use "guys" very loosely, find it very easy to sleep with girls and not expect to hurt their feelings when they want to remain "just friends." I can't understand, for the life of me, why so many guys don't even think of the consequences. How can they realize how much a girl can hurt? At times I wish they could just feel the same pain that females feel and experience. It sucks! Why can't they step back and put themselves in a girl's shoes for once. That's why so many girls are fucked up now and don't even want to keep on trying. That's why I'm so fucked up now. I sat here with a close guy friend of mine last night, talking about why males can expect to just be friends with someone and shitting away a girl's heart. When he sat down and responded, he felt guilty and said that it's very wrong, but that guys really don't think about the girl's feelings and how much they can be hurting women.

After watching my roommate and her guest, I realized that I'm numb. I had a feeling that I was, because I've been trying to force myself to date around and sign up on Match.com, but I'm just not feeling it. What's worse, is that when my guy friends would touch me, hug me, try to hook up, I pull away. Even when our guest from another country told me that I was very beautiful and that the picture I had taken at a studio with my sisters a few months back, should be blown up and hanging on a wall, I blew it off. I can't believe I did that... but I can believe that I don't think I ever want to give my heart away ever again. I'm really numb and can't seem to fix it. Oh well.