Back

Hey you guys! I'm finally back online, and it feels good. Hmm, where do I begin. Things have been pretty crazy, and I've been very busy with work, life, etc. Now, I'm trying to relax and take in everything that's been going on around me. I'm glad that I've begun to make new friends around work. It's been a huge help. These days, my other friends are having less and less time for me.

Last week, one of my best friends had a baby. It was the most amazing thing, yet strange. I realized that our lives the way they were before she got married and pregnant, would be totally different. She's got a family now, and she's seemed to have grown so much, into this beautiful, graceful, loving mother and wife.

All of my friends seem to be taking off into a serious direction these days. But I have to realize that we aren't in high school anymore. People grow up and move on. It's part of life. Something I didn't mention was that seeing everything that my friend was experiencing let me know that I'm totally not ready for that stage of my life... at all. I want to be free, have fun, live my life, and see what I can accomplish on my own. Does it mean I don't want a relationship? Not at all. That I would like. I would love, actually. I want to be exclusive with someone and be in a relationship the way my roommate/best friend/like-a-brother is in. Exclusive, but not too serious. Time with my friends to do what I want and some alone time as well, but what am I saying all of this for? Not like it will happen anytime soon. I'm not that lucky. Ha ha! That's sad. I can't help but laugh at myself. Well, I better get going. Another day of work and overtime.

Lately

Life has been so freakin' crazy lately. Finally, they've calmed down though. But when they calm down, my mind tends to wander. Things around the apartment have been great these past few days. I was offered to go out with our new roommate with he and his friends to go bowling. He's such a great presence compared to who we used to have here. He even offers to go places with me at night so I won't be out and about alone. He's always been one of my best friends, and it's just so super cool that he's living here and we stay up for hours talking about life, boy/girl problems, working out, etc. He treats me, and always has, the way a guy should treat a girl. I just wish sometimes I had the power to instill certain qualities into people so they can be just right. Doesn't work that way though. I'm just glad that I've got him to talk to so I can get a guy's perspective on life. Overall, I'm really happy for both my roommates/best friends for being so happy and in devoted relationships. They deserve it. Sometimes a part of me hates it when I see how much guys care about girls, to where they talk about them most of the time and do so much for them. Not to mention when it's "my girlfriend this, my girlfriend that...." I guess I hate them cause they're guys who have a heart, gave it to someone and don't try to intentionally hurt girls... meaning they think things through and what it can do to her. I often find myself asking God why, for so many years, that I could never be so lucky. What have I done to deserve this? Since I don't have the answers, I must go on and keep living my life a day at a time... because I fear my life may never be the same, and change forever. I hope this isn't the case, but so far, not so good.